Advice On Brewing Your Own Beer From Shafe

As an avid homebrewer… I was recently asked for any homebrewing tips from a friend of mine… Here is my response:

The most important brewing advice… In my experience over the years… is that you prepare in advance 2 compilation cd’s to play while brewing. One while actually brewing and one for bottling.

The only bad batch of beer I’ve ever made was due to not having control of the stereo.

It’s best to keep a theme going on the disc… It doesn’t really have to be all the same style of music so long as there is a solid theme throughout the process.

After extensive research, A series of computer generated simulations, a dozen flowcharts and 2 powerpoint presentations… here is a chart I’ve come up with for best results. .

Lagers:
Butt Rock… Anything from the 80s with hair and tight pants. Not to be confused with classic rock, if your not sure of the difference, brew an IPA instead.

IPAs:
With their extremely hoppy flavor, it’s important to brew pale ales to something a bit more catchy and upbeat. Usually anything that has an anthem sound works well. The catchier the tunes the better the beer will turn out.

Pilsners:
Classic Rock… Don’t get this confused with butt rock. If you do, you’ll be sorry. You’d think it’d be the other way around, but it’s not. After a pint of pilsner, you can see why this beer thrives with a little bit of Zepplin.

Stouts:
Metal.. Very serious metal. The heavier the tunes, the better the deep dark taste of the stout will turn out. It’s important not to play any glam metal. If the singer is wearing hairspray, your beer is ruined.

Porters:
With the rise in popularity of micro-brews in recent years, porters have become a yuppie favorite. Yuppies think they are drinking something extremely fancy when drinking porters. Porters are good beers but require some sort of modern opera soundrack (Rent, Cats, Even Jesus Christ Superstar will work), also Jazz and Blues.. But avoid ‘white man’ jazz, as this isnt really upscale.

Lambic:
Lambics more recently are known for the fruit added to them… but used to be a working class beer known for distinctive flavour: dry, vinous, and cidery, with a slightly sour aftertaste. Modern Lambics like to brew to anything that’s been popular at the dance club or gay bar anytime in the past 15 years.

Ambers:
Ambers are simply made by adding a small amount of crystal or other coloured malt to a Simple Pale ale recipe… thus giving the illusion that you are drinking something fancier than a pale ale. This is best brewed to any old school punk rock music.

Hefeweizen & Other Wheat Beers
80s Music… The Hefeweizen style comes from Germany… and ever since Nena did an English and German version of 99 Red Balloons the Germans have loved 80s music, this style of beer thrives on anything from the decade.